Day 3: Stretching out the Wings

ACTIVE GOALS

  • Post daily for 365 days.
  • Grow out hair for 365 days.
  • Post daily gratitude for 365 days.
  • Lose 40-lbs in one year.
  • Submit at least 5 images at each photography club meeting.
  • Gluten-free. Day 3/90
  • In bed by 10pm and awake by 6am. Day 2/7
  • 30 Days of Yoga. Day 2/30

  • Today’s early wake-up was much better. I felt rested enough, or maybe I was just giving up after the several wakes throughout the night. Either way, I ended up getting to sleep at 11 and waking up at 7. Slightly off my schedule but still better than before. I’m trying not to get frustrated that I didn’t complete it exactly as the goal is phrased, because one thing my therapist also wants me to work on is giving myself grace. To stop living in an “all or nothing” state of mind.

    My son had a rough day back to school after the Christmas break. He didn’t want to go but we talked and I got him excited to go, but of course once the moment came and we were waking to his classroom his anxiety overwhelmed him and he broke down. It was heart breaking, but his teachers are so good with him and helped him through it and his tears had turned to huge smiles by the time I picked him up. It was still hard to watch him suffer in the beginning. As someone who knows just how confusing and suffocating anxiety can be, it is painful to watch it affect your child.

    In order to cope with the sadness of leaving my child at his school in that state I came straight home and did my second day of yoga with Adriene. Day 2 Dedicate: 30 Days of Yoga. It was just what my spirits needed to lift. It helped ground my emotions and center them on a more stable foundation to deal with whatever the rest of the day had in store for me.

    This afternoon I was happy to de-clutter the house of all things Christmas. While I enjoy the festive look before the holidays, as soon as the celebrations are over I want it all out of my sight. This process helped so much to alleviate some of the stress I was dealt today.

    My husband had a great day at work, passed a difficult test and earned a fancy certification as a result. To celebrate we decided it was time to take a family weekend trip. So I booked us a stay in Chincoteague for the weekend at a hotel with an indoor pool. My son’s therapist recommended we have some fun play time in the pool together as a family to help ease his fear of swimming underwater, and it just so happens to be the off-season on the mid-Atlantic coast. I am very much looking forward to this time together and a slower pace to work on some more of my goals.

    At our photography club meeting tonight I submitted 5 images to be critiqued in the theme “winter.” My goal is to participate in the theme each month. I’m also very glad that my husband has decided to start coming with me to the meetings and participating. Photography is such a beautiful method of expression and I love to see the differences in perspectives each photograph shares. It’s eye-opening.

    To end this post, I’m thankful for my village. Near and far, I have so many people in my life from various walks who can lend an ear and offer me sage advice when I need it. They calm me down and bring peace to my heart simply by sharing words with me. Words sent from a loving place of friendship. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Until tomorrow.

    Also, I was gluten free all day today except for the snickerdoodle cookie dough blizzard I had at Dairy Queen tonight. Let’s pretend you can’t read that, even though to be accountable I technically have to write it down.

    Goodnight!

    The Accountability Journey

    Hello world!

    You may be wondering what an accountability journey is. To be honest, it’s just a quick word combo my husband and I came up with while tossing ideas around in the car for a new blog I told him I wanted to start. Turns out, with the hustle that is our life, forcibly sitting next to one another while driving in the car is not only one of the few times we have to be “still” together, but it’s also when we have some of our most productive conversations. 

    That’s great and all, but what does it mean? 

    I’ve recognized over the past year (and through lots of therapy) that I am completely terrified of setting goals. When confessing my inadequacies to my husband he told me “but you finished college. That’s an accomplishment.” Sure, 12 years ago … and that never really felt like a goal to me. It was no different in my mind than graduating from high school; it was just something required of me. Following college, my only goal was to get a job. It was as generic as that. Since then that goal has changed to “keeping a job.” It was never to move up the ladder or improve my circumstances, always just to maintain the status quo.

    After the past four years of stay-at-home mom life and self-employment, I’m so out of practice with the real world now that when I do set goals, if I mess up even a little I call the whole thing off and quit. Frustration and fury drive my actions and I’m easily overwhelmed. My therapist says I have a theme for life and it’s “all or nothing.” While it sounds romantic to give your all or expect it from others, it’s really unimpressive when you consider the “nothing” that comes with it.

    So how does one change that? How do you go from “nothing” to “all” or live somewhere comfortably in between?

    Why, through an Accountability Journey, of course! It’s a journal, but it’s also a journey! Get it?! This is my way to challenge myself and take the world along with me. Let’s face it, I need witnesses. My plan is to start small, with simple goals over short lengths of time that make hitting these marks highly achievable. A confidence booster phase, if you will. Once I get the hang of things and taste those tiny sips of accomplishment, I’ll want more, and more, and MORE and the goals will increase in longevity.

    I’ll be setting a series of short and long-term goals over the course of the next year and documenting my experiences right here on this blog. Don’t worry, though. It won’t be as boring as it definitely sounds. 

    And yes, I’m going to start this on January 1, because what’s more cliché than setting a new goal on New Years Day? If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this ALL. THE. WAY. 

    So, there you have it. Join me on this journey. Hold me accountable and remind me to keep going even if I mess up a little. Clearly, I need the support. Challenge yourself, too, if you’d like! It’s time for me to hop off the struggle bus I’ve been riding and find a new way to do this life. 

    Who’s with me?!